


Memories in shades of blue

by Grimbeak



Category: Lego Ninjago
Genre: 5+1 Things, Also that Pixel existed, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cuddles, Doing dishes at one in the morning because yes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Except for Cole, F/M, For the angst, Honestly I'm very proud of the title and you should acknowledge that, I forgot Cole was a ghost so, I like tags too much, Ig Wu isn't here either, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It's always for the angst, Mild Language, Scars, These poor babies, This is what we call stress-writing, Victim Blaming, rip those guys, so much hurt, why must I do this to them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:34:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27378037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grimbeak/pseuds/Grimbeak
Summary: Five times Jay and Nya didn't tell anyone about Nadakahn, and the one time they did
Relationships: Cole & Lloyd Garmadon & Kai & Jay Walker & Zane, Nya & Jay Walker, Nya/Jay Walker
Comments: 20
Kudos: 87





	Memories in shades of blue

**Author's Note:**

> ummm  
> just read the tags I put stuff in there  
> Just like  
> Pretend this is after Day of the Departed or some shit so Cole isn't a ghost bcuz I forgot about that until halfway through Lloyd's thing  
> Also I forgot that Pixel existed until halfway through Zane's bit  
> So  
> Yee  
> Wu just... isn't here atm ig  
> Anyway enjoy

******

Kai

******

There was something wrong with Jay and Nya, Kai knew that. Something they weren’t telling him.

He knew because of the way Jay would jolt awake, babbling something about wishes before falling into a fitful sleep. Knew because Jay’s eyes would glaze over slightly whenever someone mentioned pirates, his face would go blank and Kai would see Nya move over to hold his hand. Knew because whenever someone tried to touch him without alerting Jay of their presence, the blue ninja would flinch at their touch, and avert his eyes when they asked if he was alright. He would stare at the bounty when the team wasn’t on it, a far-away look on his face that he could rarely snap out of on his own.

It happened with Nya, too. She would often ghost her hand over her chest during training, and had a sudden hatred of dresses. Wedding dresses, in particular, and Kai couldn’t imagine why. Both she and Jay would often just whisper to each other in the corner of the room, faces serious. Sometimes the water ninja just stood on the edge of the bounty, staring down at the clouds below for hours until someone got her back inside.

Something had happened to Kai’s younger sister and one of his best friends, and he didn’t know what.

The rest of the team didn’t seem to know either, but they all knew exactly when the pair had begun acting strangely; the day where they were supposed to find… what was it, the Teapot of Tyrahn? Nya had taken Jay’s hand, everyone had a weird feeling, and then the two had changed.

Changed in a way that caused flinches, hesitating in battle, and nearly getting hurt for it. 

Jay had become less physically affectionate with the rest of the ninja- before that day, it would be hard to remember a time when he hadn’t wedged his body underneath someone’s arm, but now…

Now the only person he seemed to let touch him was Nya, and even then he would flinch occasionally, shying away from her touch even though it looked like it was killing him to do so. Hiding from the world of touch by keeping still and waiting for it to pass him by. 

It was almost like he was afraid. But of what?

“He’s doing it again,” Cole murmured, shaking Kai out of his daydream. The earth ninja was staring pointedly at Jay, who was twitching in his sleep. Soft mumbles rolled out of his mouth, too quiet to discern what they were. 

The lightning ninja hadn’t been sleeping as much recently, relying on energy drinks to drag him through the day. This morning, Zane had hauled him to the couch, plopped him on it, and told him to sleep. Jay had obeyed, albeit reluctantly, and had been sound asleep for the past six hours- it was now 2 P.M, and it seemed his nightmares had begun once more. 

Jay shifted on the couch, the blanket Zane had dropped onto him moving with him. “Not gonna…” he murmured, before he frowned in his sleep, reaching a hand up to paw at his left eye. 

“Jay.” Kai moved over to the armchair next to his sleeping friend. “It’s just a dream, you’re OK.” Looking up, he gestured for Cole to leave, and the other ninja nodded, exiting the room. It was necessary for only one person to be in the room when Jay was having his nightmares and you were trying to wake him up- the first time it happened, they had all been there and he had electrocuted them all in his panic. “It’s just a dream, Jay, nothings gonna hurt you.”

Jay mumbled something in his sleep, his movements getting more and more jerky until he jolted up with a gasp, eyes wide open and staring. He glanced wildly around the room, gaze finally landing on Kai and  _ freezing.  _ “‘m not gonna-” he gasped, and Kai lunged forward without a thought, cursing himself a moment later when Jay cringed away, lightning started to crackle around him.

“Hey!” Jay shoved a hand forward, and a tingle of lightning ran through Kai’s body- it would likely be worse if his friend was more awake. “Jay, calm down. It’s just me.” The blue ninja hesitated, blinking a few times and gaining a confused look on his face. “It’s me, it’s Kai. You’re alright, it was just a dream.” 

Jay frowned again, scanning Kai and the rest of the room before hesitantly asking, “You’re not… You’re not going to-”

Kai gently took hold of the hand that was pressed against his chest, squeezing it lightly even as tiny jolts of lightning spiked his palm. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m your friend, remember?” 

The lightning ninja stilled, and when Kai looked up at him tears had started to slip out of his eyes, streaming silently down his face. Jay jerked his hand out of Kai’s grip and rubbed furiously at his eyes. “‘m sorry, I-”

“It’s OK,” Kai whispered, leaning forward and opening his arms. Within a second, Jay had lunged forward, burying his fists in Kai’s shirt as he shook. Kai rubbed fire-warmed circles into his back, resting his chin gently on top of Jay’s head. Zane entered, looking concerned, and Kai shook his head at him. The nindroid gained a look of understanding on his face, and left quietly. Even after Jay woke up from his nightmares, it was better not to crowd him.

The blue ninja stopped crying relatively quickly, his sobs evening out to dry hitches of breath and then finally silence. He pulled away from Kai’s embrace, staring at his friend. “Sorry,” he whispered, and before Kai could insist that it was fine again he was gone, vanishing into the hallway between rooms- probably looking for somewhere to think.

Kai sighed, clutching the blanket that had been covering his friend, and stared up at the ceiling.

He  _ was  _ going to find out what was hurting his friend and sister, even if it killed him.

******

Lloyd

******

Lloyd dodged a punch from Cole, retaliating with a small blast of green energy. His friend dodged it, however, ducking to the side before kicking his foot against the ground, causing chunks of rock to fly at the green ninja. Lloyd was about to move, but something caught his eye, forcing him to hesitate. The stones hit him in the chest, knocking him down. “Ow!”

“Hah! I win,” Cole gloated, then moved to help Lloyd up. “You can’t get distracted.” Ignoring him, Lloyd looked over to what he had noticed. “Uhh, Lloyd? You with me, buddy?”

Lloyd glanced back to Cole, who had a confused look on his face. “Yeah, sorry.” He paused, considering. Gesturing to the things that had distracted him, he asked, “Is she… OK?” 

Cole looked over at Nya, making an ‘O’ with his mouth. “Her, too?” Seeing Lloyd’s confused face, he added, “Jay had one of his nightmares earlier. What is  _ up  _ with those two? They’ve been acting weird for  _ months.  _ Whatever it is, you’d think they’d be over it by now.”

Lloyd cast an uneasy glance at Cole. “Jay hasn’t told you what his dreams have been about, either?”

The earth ninja shook his head. “Nope. No one can get a word out of him. Kai took care of him earlier- I think Jay’s been hiding in his room ever since. Probably trying to sleep.”

Lloyd nodded, turning back to Nya, who was standing towards the edge of the monastery, facing towards the sunset. “I think we’re done with training for now.” Seeing Cole’s questioning look, he continued. “I want to try talking to her, so if you could just…” He gestured vaguely to the doors, and an understanding look came upon his friend’s face.

“No one wants me for anything anymore,” Cole grumbled, but it was lighthearted, and he ruffled Lloyd’s hair before heading inside. “Come get me if you need me.”

Lloyd nodded, and started to walk over to Nya, squinting as he caught a full view of the swiftly-setting sun. “Hey, Nya?”

She didn’t respond, and when Lloyd stopped next to her, he could see her face. It was blank; normal, if not for the storm raging in her eyes. Lloyd shook her shoulder gently, and she stiffened before turning to face him, blinking in confusion. “What are you-” she stopped when she recognized him, and a small smile appeared on her face (it seemed forced, though, and Lloyd worried). “Hey, little guy. Was there something you needed?”

“I’m not little anymore,” Lloyd grumbled, and before the water ninja could tease him, he blurted out, “are you alright?”

Nya stilled, a dark look falling across her face again. “What do you mean?” Her tone was carefully neutral, and Lloyd knew that meant he was either about to be yelled at or used as a pillow to cry into. Preferably the latter, in this situation.

He gestured to the ledge they were standing on, and the stars starting to peek through the darkest bits of sky. “You’ve just been… standing here. And staring.”

She blinked, and (un?)luckily her face fell into confusion once more as she glanced up at the sky. “Oh. Sorry, I guess I just lost track of time.” She let out an awkward laugh as she rubbed the back of her neck, probably trying to think of what to say. “Yeah, I’m…” she trailed off, obviously not sure what to say next.

“You’ve been doing that a lot,” Lloyd said awkwardly. “Just standing and staring. Jay, too, with his nightmares.” Nya inhaled sharply at the mention of her boyfriend’s dreams, and before she could space out again, Lloyd continued. “Something happened to you two, didn’t it? But we were all there, the day when you both starting acting weird, so-”

“Can we not talk about this right now?” Nya interrupted, fists clenching at her sides. Lloyd’s voice died, and he turned back to face the sunset. The water ninja sighed, rubbing her hand down her face. “Look, I get that you’re concerned, but…” She paused, and just for a second sadness swamped her expression. “This- this  _ thing,  _ it’s just… it’s hard to talk about, and I don’t think Jay wants to deal with that yet. And of course, you guys are starting to worry, so…” She threw up her hands, letting out an exasperated sigh. “It’s gonna have to come out sometime.” 

“Oh,” said Lloyd, not sure what else to say. He was silent, for a moment. “Did you two… break up?”

Nya laughed, obviously not expecting that question. The seriousness dropped off her face and was replaced with a small, but genuine, smile. “No, we didn’t. And we’re not going to, I hope. But,” she added, and the smile started to disappear, “the thing isn’t something you would bring up in normal conversation- it’s complicated,” she said, and Lloyd nodded in understanding. Hell, his entire  _ life  _ was complicated. “I hope you can understand.”

“Oh, yeah,” Lloyd said. “I do.” He patted Nya on the shoulder, and she turned to face him. “Just know one thing, alright?” She nodded, one eyebrow raised. “Just… don’t bottle it up for too long, alright?” He grimaced, offering her a weak smile. “Trust me, it doesn’t work as well as you think it does.”

She nodded, moving in for a hug. “Holding things in sucks. Got it.” The water ninja pulled away from him, patting him on the shoulder one last time as she did so. “You’re still little.” Before Lloyd could protest, she added, “But you’re wise.”

He smiled at her, and then Cole burst out of the doors and ruined the entire mood. “Hey guys!” He looked between the pair, smile unwilling to fade on his face. “Did I interrupt something?” Before they could respond, he continued, saying; “Well, whatever it was, could you get in here? Food’s ready- Zane cooked,” he added upon seeing their worried faces. “He wouldn’t let me  _ near  _ the kitchen. Unfair, really.”

“Got it,” Nya smiled, and Cole went back inside, humming as he did so. “Come on, Lloyd,” she said, dragging him along.

Lloyd allowed himself to be pulled inside, and before he could be subjected to the horrors of teasing and laughing from his friends, one last thought entered his mind. 

What was wrong with Jay and Nya, and why weren’t they able to tell anyone? 

******

Cole

******

“I’m gonna head to bed,” Cole called, smiling at the chorus of ‘goodnights’ behind him. He strolled down the darkening hallway, heading towards his room. He paused at a door, however, unconsciously straining his ears to listen for sounds inside. There were none, however, and in a normal situation that would have been fine. But considering who it was on the other side of the door…

Jay hadn’t come to dinner that night- no one had commented on it, but there were occasionally swift glances to the empty spot between Kai and Nya that the short boy seemed to drag himself over to these days. It wasn’t a rare occurrence, even before Jay and Nya had started acting weird- the lightning ninja would spend all day in his room, drawing blueprints and whatnot until someone had the sense to drag him out. Even when he was gone from training or meals, those days, there was still a welcoming presence from the spot where he should’ve been. But now, in recent months, it seemed colder- and not just because of the changing weather. There was something bothering both Jay and Nya- everyone knew it, but whenever someone tried to talk to either one about it, they always got shut out and ignored. 

Judging by the worried glances Lloyd had shot Nya all throughout dinner, Cole guessed that the green ninja had likely gotten somewhat of an (although probably vague) answer from his companion. Cole would have to talk to him, later- probably tomorrow. It was late, after all, and the master of earth wanted to rest up.

But he couldn’t drag himself away from Jay’s door. He hesitated, glancing towards the shadows moving through the hallway. The others would be here soon, and-

Acting on nothing other than a lack of impulse control, Cole swung open his friend’s door as silently as he could, stepping inside and shutting the door a few seconds before the rest of the team walked by, talking amongst themselves. “Kai, I do not believe it would be wise to carry out your plan-”

“Come  _ on _ , Zane, it’ll be fine! Trust me, I'll be  _ fine _ .”

“You did not let me finish. I do not believe it would be wise to carry out your plan without a fire extinguisher at the ready. In other words, either I or Nya must come with you.” 

Waiting for the arguing pair to pass by, Cole let out a shaky breath as their voices got farther and farther away. Turning around, he saw-

Oh.

You know, Cole expected a lot of things these days. Lloyd to have random growth spurts? Makes sense. Kai to sneeze fire when he got sick? Understandable. Zane accidentally freezing muffins when they were in the oven and being upset about it for weeks? Seemed likely. 

In fact, over the last few months of Nya and Jay acting like they had watched someone be tortured and die in front of them, Cole had begun to expect and predict even more. Jay waking up in a panic and blowing all the lights out? Normal. Nya going unusually hard against the training dummies, especially the ones dressed as pirates? Happened every day. Both of them staying silent for hours at a time, staring off into the distance as if waiting for something catastrophic to happen? Just a usual afternoon.

Cole should’ve expected the scars, though. 

Two long slashes down Jay’s bare back, which was facing away from Cole. He obviously hadn’t managed to put his shirt on before passing out, and a blanket was half-hanging off of him. The scars were practically paper-white against his already pale skin, starting at his shoulder blades and trailing down his back, getting thinner as they went. 

Like someone had taken a sword- no,  _ two  _ swords and dragged them down Jay’s back at the same time, adjusting their grip to leave less of a marking as they went. There were other scars, too, tiny white lines and occasional burn marks, but Cole knew those were just from training, or missions gone a bit wrong. 

These weren’t. These looked deliberate- and as Cole wracked his memory, he couldn’t think of a time when Jay had gotten hurt that badly. Sure, the smaller boy had a tendency to hide his wounds if a situation was dire, but he wouldn’t have been able to hide these. Unless…

Unless someone had helped him. 

Nya. Although Cole didn’t think the pair had gotten separated from the others during a fight where their opponent had swords, he was still in a mild state of shock and was likely not thinking clearly. There hadn’t been any devastating fights in the past few months either, so…

Think, damnit. Jay wouldn’t have been able to hide those gashes for long even if he bandaged them and Nya helped him lie. They must have been recent, probably only a few months old. And it had been a few months since Jay and Nya had acted normal, too. Maybe the two were connected- the scarring and the strangeness. 

Jay made a noise in his sleep, rolling onto his stomach as Cole froze, unwilling to move from his spot from the door. Silence followed, and the earth ninja was about to slowly open the door to walk out before he heard another sound coming from Jay- a distressed one, this time. He paused, turning back to his sleeping friend. Something caught his eye, and he frowned, stepping surprisingly lightly across the floor.

Cole padded across the room, stopping next to Jay’s bedside and crouching down next to his sleeping friend. He traced over the lightning ninja’s scars lightly with one finger, desperately trying to keep his gaze away from what he thought he saw. He couldn’t ignore it forever, though, eventually glancing down at the handprint-shaped scars trailing down Jay’s torso and leading down past the shorts he was wearing.

Cole couldn’t tell whether they were burn scars or not, but the fact that they were there at all made him feel sick. Hating himself for it, he looked more closely at the first handprint- it wasn’t Nya’s, or any of the other ninja’s. It almost looked unreal, and there was a faint curved scar next to it that looked like someone had taken a burning hot hook-hand and  _ pressed.  _

Someone had done…  _ this _ to Jay, and they had done it deliberately. Had it happened to Nya, too? Was that why she was so distant? Or had she been forced to watch Jay being punished, unable to help.

But neither of them had been away from the group for longer than twenty minutes, at most, and they had always had radio contact, Cole’s brain reminded him. So, logically, there really wasn’t an explanation for this.

Jay grunted and rolled over, facing towards the door, still fast asleep. Cole did his best to melt into the shadows, and was about to start moving slowly towards the door until Jay twitched, one of his arms hanging off the side of the bed, moving with every fidget. A nightmare, Cole realized, and his stomach dropped. More sounds of pain pushed their way past his friend’s lips, and Cole was frozen, crouched on the floor. If Jay woke up now…

Without thinking, Cole reached forward and took his sleeping friend’s hand, gently holding it and running his thumb over the back of it. Jay’s breath hitched, and Cole stilled, hand still fiddling with Jay’s fingers, attempting to calm him down. The lightning ninja’s breath slowed after a while, and he went limp once again, the random murmurs coming from his mouth long faded. 

Cole pushed himself up, gently pulling Jay’s blanket up to his chin before quietly speed-walking out of the room, closing the door behind him and letting out a shaky breath. The hallway was dark, all the lanterns and lights turned off for the night. Cole pressed himself against the wall, trying to process all that he had just seen. His brain pointed out two very helpful things:

One: Something had happened to both Jay and Nya, or at least Jay, that Cole now had an idea of.

Two: He needed to figure out a way to ask either one of them about it without seeming… well, creepy. 

And, well, a third thing: He was going to actually murder whoever did this to his best friend. 

******

Zane

******

Zane hummed as he worked, collecting all the remaining dishes and placing them carefully in the sink. It was late at night, the other ninja having already gone to sleep. But not Zane- he liked being up at night sometimes, when it was quiet. 

He hoped that Jay was sleeping well- he hoped that Jay was sleeping at all. This morning, Zane had taken matters into his own hands, dropping Jay onto the couch and ordering him to go to sleep. The lightning ninja had followed his command, but some time later he had awoken from a nightmare and hidden in his room for the rest of the day. Not an ideal situation, but it was to be expected, these days.

Zane wasn’t sure what was wrong with his friend, but he knew that the rest of the team was watching Jay and Nya as well. The pair had been acting odd lately, and Zane wasn’t entirely sure why. From his calculations, there really was no reason the two shouldn’t be normal- they had been perfectly fine one minute, and then they weren’t. 

It was almost if something had happened that the rest of them had forgotten.

Zane shook his head, smiling to himself. That was ridiculous- no odd amount of time had passed from one minute to the next, except for a strange feeling that they had been there before. But that happened practically every day, anyway, so that probably wasn’t the reason. 

Zane continued to rearrange the dishes in the sink before he heard a creaking noise behind him. He turned to see Nya standing in the doorway, hair a mess and body slouching. “Oh, hi Zane.” SHe propped herself up, leaning against the wall with one hand. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be up.” 

“It’s alright,” the nindroid hummed. “You should be resting. It is important to be well rested, in case anything comes up.”

“I know, I know,” she grumbled, waving a hand at him. “‘m tired, I just… can’t sleep.” She moved to the table, plopping down onto a chair. “What’re  _ you  _ doing out here?”

Zane gestured to the nearly-full sink behind him. “Dishes.”

Nya looked at him. “Why? It’s-” she squinted at the clock, eyes still trying to adjust to the light- “one A.M. Why are you doing dishes at one in the morning?”

“Ah.” Zane blinked. “I suppose I have lost track of time.” He offered her a clean mug. “Would you like something to drink, to help you fall asleep?” 

Nya shrugged, then her brain seemed to catch up to Zane’s question, and she nodded. “Yeah. Hot chocolate?”

“Sure,” Zane smiled, pulling the milk out of the fridge. “Do you… wish to talk about why you couldn’t sleep?”

Her eye twitched at the word  _ wish,  _ and she sighed, resting her chin on her crossed arms. “Sort of.” Seeing Zane’s confused face, she added, “I want to talk to  _ someone  _ about it, but… it’s hard.”

“Ah,” Zane said, nodding in understanding. “Perhaps there is a way you could talk about what is bothering you without being obvious about it?”

Nya thought for a moment, then brightened. “Yeah! Last time I was repairing you, I saw there was a switch near your ear. I’m pretty sure I know what it does.” She gestured for him to come closer, and Zane complied, setting the mug of hot chocolate down onto the counter. A few seconds later, Nya flicked something near Zane’s face, and he-

Everything went silent. Nya’s mouth was moving, but he couldn’t hear her. Couldn’t hear anything, really. Everything was just… the hearing version of being in a perfectly blank room. If that made sense- Zane wasn’t sure it did. 

It took him a couple seconds, but he booted up a reading-lips program that probably hadn’t been used for… who knows how long. It worked, however, and he soon could understand what Nya was saying.  _ “-ork? If it worked, then you probably can’t hear what I’m saying. Blink twice if you can hear me.”  _

Zane did nothing. Nya turned the hearing switch back on, and his ears flooded with the sounds of night. Before she could ramble about how it worked, however, Zane raised a hand to stop her. “It did work- I couldn’t hear you. However, I can use a program to read lips if I need to.” He paused, considering. “When you turn it off, and if I continue doing work, if you talk you should be able to tell me what’s troubling you without me hearing.”

Nya hesitated. “You promise that you won’t switch it back on before I tell you to?”

Zane nodded, offering her a smile. “A nindroid’s promise.” Before Nya could contemplate what that meant, Zane flicked his hearing-switch down and the world was cloaked in silence once more. He turned around and resumed doing the dishes, fiddling with spoons, anything to not bore himself as he waited for Nya to vent it all out.

The water ninja waited for a few seconds, then began to speak- Zane could feel the vibrations assuring him that she was doing so. A sort of pop-up occurred in his vision, asking him if he wanted to tap into the sound waves to know what she was saying. Zane declined, however- Nya was trusting him with her privacy, and he was determined not to give her any reason to doubt him.

Zane’s friend talked for a while, going on fifteen minutes before the vibrations stopped and the master of ice felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see Nya standing there, and before he could say something she flipped the switch next to his ear. Zane was swamped with sound again, and he smiled at the water ninja, who offered him a weak grin in return. “Would you like your hot chocolate now?”

She blinked, then laughed. “Oh, yeah.” He handed her the steaming drink, and she sipped it, keeping her eyes on Zane the whole time. “Thanks,” she said after a moment of silence. “For not listening.”

“No worries!” Zane cheerfully said. “Your privacy is important, after all.” He thought for a moment. “I must say, however, that is the first time I have had someone thank me for not listening to them.”

Nya laughed, smiling. She stilled after a moment, however, and after a particularly long drink from her mug, she asked, “What would you do if… everything you had been told was a lie?”

Zane blinked, having not expected that question. “Is this about your thing?”

She hesitated. “Sort of.”

“In that case, I must admit to you that I have already thought about that question. When we figured out I was a-”

“-nindroid,” she finished. “Oh, yeah. That must have been hard for you.”

“It was. But, it answered many of my questions. And, truthfully, I am more happy knowing than I was before.”

Nya nodded, slowly. Then she set the now-empty mug down on the counter, and stretched. “Thanks, Zane.”

The nindroid smiled. “Anytime.”

The water ninja exited the kitchen, leaving him along with his thoughts. 

Zane flipped the hearing switch off, and returned to his dishes. It was nice when it was quiet.

******

Nya

******

Nya stared at the ceiling, listening to the quiet breaths coming from her boyfriend, who was snuggled up beside her. 

Jay had stumbled into her room about twenty minutes ago, clearly not doing great. Nya knew that he had had one of his bad nightmares, yesterday, and that Kai had helped him. Nya had talked to people as well- both Lloyd and Zane, and one had listened and one hadn’t. She was happy about both of the outcomes, however.

Jay shifted next to her, and Nya glanced over to see the other blue ninja blinking his eyes open. “Hey,” she whispered, pushing a few strands of hair out of his face. “How you feeling?” 

“Shitty,” he grumbled, but sat up anyway, blinking wearily. “‘m tired.” 

“I know,” Nya murmured, sitting up with him. She swung her legs off the edge of her bed. “I talked to Lloyd, yesterday. And Zane.”

Her boyfriend froze up, and when he spoke, his voice was tense. “About what?”

“Just that we've been acting weird because it’s hard to talk about. Nothing really else,” she said, she  _ lied.  _ She  _ had  _ told Zane, but he wasn’t able to hear her, so did it really count?

Nya hoped that he hadn’t been lying when he had said he wasn’t able to hear her.

“Oh. Ok,” Jay sighed, leaning against her. He was silent, for a moment, then added quietly, “I think Cole knows about the scars.”

Nya froze. “What do you mean?”

“I think he was in my room last night. He wasn’t being weird or anything, I think he just wanted to see if I was OK.” Jay looked at the ground. “I didn’t wake up until he was leaving.” 

Nya nodded, slowly. “You think he knows what they’re from?”

The lightning ninja’s voice was near-silent, and Nya had to strain to hear it. “I think he has some idea.” His voice grew shaky, quiet and broken. “Why did the scars have to stay?”

Nya pulled him close, and she rested her chin gently on his head. “Scars are just stories of what we’ve survived,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around Jay.

“But why these ones? I don’t want to remember…  _ that.”  _

“I know,” Nya murmured. “I know.” They sat in silence for a few minutes, the occasional hitching of breath coming from Jay being the only sign that something was wrong. “We’ll have to tell the others soon.”

Jay pulled away from her, and when she looked up she could see a betrayed look on his face. “We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“We just-” Jay paused, clearly struggling to find words. “We just can’t, OK? They… they won’t understand. They’ll be mad at us for lying to them, and-”

“They  _ won’t,”  _ Nya interrupted him, grabbing his wrists and pulling him up so she could face him. “They wouldn’t do that.”

Jay stilled, glancing at her hands around his wrists and finally looking up at her. “You sure?”

“I’m sure,” Nya promised him, squeezing him gently. “But we’ll have to do it today,” she added after a moment, looking thoughtful. “Otherwise we’ll keep putting it off until we’re all dead.” 

“Maybe it would be better if we were,” Jay said dryly, and looked annoyed when Nya swatted at him. “Fine. When?”

“In about an hour, maybe?” she suggested, and he groaned before agreeing. “C’mere.” Nya flopped back on the bed and a few seconds later Jay plopped down next to her, nuzzling into her side as she wrapped her arms around him. 

They’d tell everyone, yes.

But cuddles first.

Lots of cuddles.

******

Jay

******

Jay fidgeted in his chair, glancing

nervously between the rest of the team, Nya, and the floor again. Cole’s voice rang from the other side of the room. “So, what was it you wanted to tell us?”

“Yes,” Zane chimed in, “what is it you both want us for?” 

  
“Well,” Nya started, and Jay cringed internally, drawing his legs more up to his chest. He _really_ didn’t want to do this. But he did, at the same time, and all those feelings were mixed up inside of him like a bowl of soup. Nya started talking again, and Jay tried to listen. “We want to talk about… why we’ve been acting weird, lately.” Jay could _feel_ both her’s and someone else’s eyes on him, and he tried to keep his gaze on the floor. “Ther

e’s kind of… something we haven't told you.” 

“Is this about why you’ve been acting so weird?” Lloyd interrupted.

“Yes,” Nya said, and with the way her tone sharpened Jay could tell she was glaring at the green ninja. “It’s… something we remembered, that the rest of you… kinda forgot.” 

Jay peeked out from between his arms- Kai and Cole looked confused, Lloyd looked offended at being snapped at, and Zane just looked kinda… meh. The master of fire spoke. “How would you guys remember something that we would all forget? Especially if it’s been messing you guys up-”

“Is this about your scars?” Cole blurted out, pointing a finger at Jay, who cringed back into his chair. The earth ninja glanced around at his companions, who seemed stunned. “Sorry. But is it?”

“Kinda,” Jay muttered after a moment, and Cole’s face morphed into one of apologetic understanding.

Nya looked at the two, and then continued. “You guys know that time we went looking for the Teapot of Tyrahn? And how that was the day Jay and I started acting weird?” There was a chorus of  _ ‘yeahs’  _ from the others scattered around the room, and Nya kept talking. “That wasn’t… the first time we had been there.”

The master of water started her long tale, but Jay wasn’t really listening. Instead, he focused on the floor, trying to ignore the occasional gasps of surprise from the others. Nya talked about the first attack, about losing the ninja and their mentors one by one. Occasionally one of the team would chime in with an answer before Nya did, and then look confused about how they knew that. 

“And then,” Nya said awkwardly, with a swift glance at her companion. “Jay got…” she paused, unable to say the words.

So he did it for her. “Captured,” Jay whispered, uncurling slightly to stare up at his friends. 

Kai seemed at a loss. “Did they- did they hurt you? Is  _ that  _ why you’ve been having nightmares?”

Jay swallowed, then answered, “Yeah.” 

Cole stilled, and his voice came out steady, but heavy with a tone of rage. “What did they do to you, Jay?”

“Bad stuff,” the lightning master murmured, and the earth ninja nodded and sat back in his chair, body calm but eyes that could tear someone apart. 

Nya cleared her throat, obviously uncomfortable. “We can talk about that later, if Jay’s comfortable with it.” She started talking again, explaining how her, Lloyd, and Cole had managed to make their way off the island. 

She got up to the part where they had lost Lloyd and Cole, and Cole interrupted. “Wait.” He looked at Jay. “You had an eyepatch. Why did you have an eyepatch.”

Jay hesitated. “They cut out my eye,” he grunted, and the room exploded into chaos.

“What do you  _ mean  _ they cut out your eye?! You can’t just  _ say that  _ and  _ move on!”  _

“Jay, are you alright? Right now, I mean. Do you require medical assistance?”

“I’m fine, Zane,” Jay muttered. 

Cole cleared his throat. “Right, well, yes, that’s horrifying and all, but… that wasn’t all they did to you, what it?”

Jay shook his head, silently, and before anyone else could interrupt her again Nya continued. “As I was  _ saying,  _ Jay and I got to Ninjago City, and…” 

Jay let her talk, only tuning back into the conversation once it had finished. “...and then you all, well… forgot,” she said, and Jay exhaled, slowly. “But we remembered. And that’s… basically why we’ve been acting… weird, lately.” 

“So,” said Kai after a moment of silence, cracking his knuckles. “How do I get to this bastard so I can beat the shit out of him?”

“You can’t,” Jay found himself saying, fully un-curling- for the moment, at least. “Right now, he’s still in the Teapot of Tyrahn, and who knows where  _ that  _ ended up. Besides, you wouldn’t win.” 

“What? Yes I would-”

“You were the first one of us to get taken,” Lloyd interrupted, casting a meaningful look at the fire ninja. “And Jay… well, the only reason any of us are  _ alive  _ right now is because we almost weren’t. If Jay hadn’t worded his last w-  _ request  _ correctly, none of us would be here.” 

“So,” Cole said, leaning forward with his hands on his knees and staring directly at Jay. “What did they do to you on that ship.”

“Cole, mayb-” Kai tried to warn him, but the earth ninja brushed him off.

“No. You’ve got  _ scars,  _ Jay, and they aren’t small. I don’t know why they stayed, instead of disappearing, but they’re there. It’ll help to talk about it,” he added, trying to soften his words.

Nya sighed, exasperated. “You don’t have to-”

“It’s fine,” Jay said, mentally preparing himself. “On the ship, it… wasn’t good.”

“Clearly,” Kai muttered, and Lloyd flicked him.

And Jay talked, talked about losing his eye, swords tearing his flesh and sometimes touching bone, a fractured wrist bone that never quite healed right and still hurt sometimes, and…

“I couldn’t stop him,” Jay whispered, tears starting to stream down his face as the others' expressions turned horrified. “He just- I couldn’t-” He gasped, hating all the  _ hurt  _ that was welling up inside of him, burning and choking him until he felt like he couldn’t talk, but did anyway. “He just kept- didn’t  _ stop, god-  _ it was my fault,” Jay whispered, shaking in his chair. He was vaguely aware of Nya holding him, whispering kind words but he couldn’t hear her. Didn’t want to hear her, because it was  _ his fault.  _

“No,” Kai said, finally finding his voice. “No, it wasn’t.” And Jay knew he was telling the truth ~~but he wasn’t~~ but it still  _ hurt.  _ “It wasn’t your fault Jay,” he said again, and a stunned Lloyd echoed him. 

Jay rubbed violently at his face- he had done that with Kai, yesterday, he realized, but this time Cole was in front of him when he looked up. The earth ninja’s voice was quiet, when he spoke. “Can I touch you?” Quiet and calm. 

Jay nodded, jerkily, and his friend’s hands were wrapped around him in a hug. Strong, but not constricting. Warm, but not burning.

Cole’s, and not Nadakahn’s. 

And maybe, Jay decided as he sobbed into his friend’s shoulder, finally starting to let go of all the  _ hurt,  _ things would be OK. 

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone else at the ends of their parts: I need to figure out what is going on with Jay and Nya.  
> Zane: dishes : D  
> pure boi i love him
> 
> Leave comments, I like those
> 
> There was a lack of these fics so I basically just went 'fuck it' and wrote one, abandoning all my responsibilities
> 
> Now if only I could put the same kind of energy into my fics that actually need to be written...


End file.
